This Floating Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Letdowns of the Past Year.
Looking back, we reflect on the TV landscape of the recent year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Burdened with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. Briefly, as the final series started, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then came an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the final season. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Still, fans undeniably found joy picking apart every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a small sob?
All’s Fair
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’
But that was practically the least of this show's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon zero star review, it was difficult to know where to begin enumerating the flaws. The hilariously wooden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of wealth and materialism? The seemingly deliberate parade of tropes? Acting so bad they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “each and every one” and forget about this series again. However, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Given the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but flippant narcissist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Naturally we knew it was ridiculous from the outset: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
MobLand
Dodgy figures meeting in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various cockney rogues which felt a bit basic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Given the degree to which she provokes the ire of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue come to life; a poster for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, sentimental sayings and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are obviously fascinating things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Rather, the viewing was like consuming a marketing brochure. She obviously has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey letdown of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something far greater than it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.
The Sketch Show Return
Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of gifted emerging comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely jaunty, somewhat mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – intellectuals honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the content creator notorious for sexual exploits as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was way more examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and absolutely no critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.
